I know what you're thinking. I'm about to rant at you tragic muppets in the NT from up in my temperature controlled office here in corona-free Windale about shit like heat that can fry an egg on your bald mate's head right? Maybe the wasteland of desert, a fucking big rock, crocodiles that can bite your dick off with callous precision, white trash ex-cons along with a few remarkably cute and endangered species?

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope and Nope.

The Hectic Terry Media Group are in possession of a conspiracy theory that is almost definitely true. This is a sad one and I'll get emotional now so here is a puppy. It's all downhill from here.  

Last chance to smile! Photo by Joel J. Martínez / Unsplash

Ask yourself why a Territory would vote against granting itself considerably more power? That's what the meeting of the minds up there did in 1998 and it's fucked.  

Over a tonne of beers and then vodka and flat cola, then another vodka with a teabag, water and what was left of the cola and then, finally onto the nightcap of 4 spoonfuls of sugar and another 6 year old teabag and pure Russian Standard, fellow investigative journalist Armatige Shanks and I pondered this very question via the cone of silence. More because I think he has covid than for the purpose of discussing secret information.

In Australia, we have proportional representation in the Senate at the federal level. This was designed to give each state an equal say in legislation at the final hurdle. This was supposed to prevent things like Victoria making the ACT its bitch, or NSW buggering Norfolk Island for some of that sweet, sweet pine but I digress. They all vote along party lines anyway and the whole thing is a steaming pile of ratfuckery.  

As it stands, the NT (being Canberra's tubby little bitch), gets a single senator to represent them because territories really are your bitches when you're the PM. This is down from 2 last year but don't quote me on that. Google it yourself you useless drongos.

So when offered 12 Senators over 1 in a 76 seat Senate, the wise people of the Territory, the same people that brought us such memorable and classy tourism campaigns like CU in the NT, rejected it. "Nah, we hate money and shiny things bugger off". Weird right?

Fukn crackup hey!

I originally put this down to the utter stupidity the place is known for, but we had a little dig anyway.


30% Black folk. The other 70% are mostly made up of petty ice dealers, escaped convicts and fat racist hi-viz guys of some other ethnic descent.

Considering the indigenous population is about 3% nationwide, you start to see what they are doing here. So, here it is folks. How to kill cultures - a blueprint!  

A. Give 'super generous' land rights to already downtrodden people out in a mostly useless desert that would kill most crackers if they just stepped out of their 4x4's. High five Australia, your humanity is astounding!

B. Continue to treat them like animals because we literally counted them like animals until our parents stepped up and like the benevolent cunts they are, made themselves feel good and finally let 'the blacks' be people and do people things like vote. But don't encourage it. There is a lot of them up there and we want them strictly in the AFL and that other rapier league. Parliament is clearly too complex for them.

C. Do almost everything possible to make their lives miserable by providing fuck all services and or support to help and break the almost inescapable cycle of poverty we put them in and police their communities with the worst and most racist cops on earth.

D. This is the corker. Give the entire place 1 senator and design any referendum on the statehood issue to be doomed from the start. See, that guy with the poncy family that ran the libs up there - Sean Fucking... whatsisname - and former PM John "I'd fuck cricket if I could and I've tried" Howard seem to have sabotaged the thing by lofting the independent review's recommendations into the nearest dumpster fire and changing it to something they liked more. I can only assume it was a couple of handwritten pages with dicks drawn on them. Answer our calls you poncy cunts. We're swinging on this one.

To be serious for a moment, that shambles wreaks of the old white man fear of aboriginal people having any real power and it makes me fucking sick that it still goes on. Woke we are not.  

At 12 senators per state, statehood would change the complexion of the parliament. A grass roots party run by aboriginal people for aboriginal people could be looking at up to 3 or 4 senate seats if done well? I'm not Antony fucking Green OK, if you want the exact number ask him.

Have they already been too beaten down to get back up? We all deserve a hard kick to the crotch for this subtle Hitler bullshit. Just fucking gross and if I see that poncy cunt in Windale, my hands (officially registered as weapons of mass destruction by the NSW cops) will be will be deployed.

To quote the Great Jesus H. Chris Hanna in his work entitled "The Only Good Fascist Is a Very Dead Fascist"  

"Just what exactly are the great historical accomplishments of your race that make you proud to be white? Capitalism? Slavery? Genocide? Sitcoms? This is your fucking white-history, my friend. So why don't we start making a history worth being proud of and start fighting the real fucking enemy."

My brown power ass (sic) in your white power face!

Black lives matter. Australian black lives matter and need us to wake up. Think otherwise? Fuck back off to where you came from.  

"Kill 'em all and let a Norse god sort 'em out!"

Lots of love,
A.J. Boltlaw