Integrity C. Cronkite.
Last Thursday I met with an old associate and friend of mine whom I wouldn't generally discuss, and as such shall remain nameless, as they happen to be an ex-employee of Government funded research facility more secretive than the hidden closet they found in Michael Jackson's' bedroom.
However this very morning after several cognac and milks my associate happened to confide in me a story so interesting the press side of me couldn't refuse but to share it with the people. This is a story of Harry K Hole.
Harry Franklin Turner was born in January 1975 and not much eventuated from his life until the age of 17 when after a few years of dabbling at parties Harry decided to commit to hard drugs with due force and for the next 5 years spent life as a degenerated walking corpse sometimes prone to self exposure.
After 2 clinical deaths and 3 successful resuscitation's Harry was feeling down and required cash so he turned to human medical research trails otherwise known as "guini pigging" to make some quick bones.
Over the next 3 months Harry was plowed with an unholy amount of powerful cyclohexanone derivative (more commonly known as Ketamine). It was reported to me that at one stage the amount Harry was taking would have incapacitated a juvenile blue whale, yet somehow Harry Franklin Turner could not only handle the juice without dying, but could stay coherant enough to give insights into his intense never before experienced high.
This made Harry invaluable to science so Harry Franklin Turner was affectionately renamed Harry K Hole and scientists upped the dosage recording priceless never before seen data from Harry's melted head. As far as science was concerned this was a chance to see how deep the K hole went and just maybe where it led, and it wasn't an opportunity going to be passed up.
So over the next 3 months science cataloged what it could from Harry's marinated brain whilst Harry constantly maintaining a maniacal gurn rode side-saddle on the fantastic space lizard, occasionally making a verbal statement or just intently inspecting the roof for hours.
However keeping Harry under control proved somewhat challenging at times for the facility workers, and on several occasions Harry managed to escape his confines and was found wandering through the local mall introducing himself to people and compulsively threatening the plastic charity guide dog with vulgar language like, "fuck off dog, no-one likes you"!
The ghastly experiment came to an abrupt end when the gargantuan amount of Ketamine required became to expensive to continue and Harry was let go quicker than Gerard Depardieu's summer diet.
The current whereabouts of Harry K Hole are unknown and thankfully the filthy facility responsible for this waste of tax payers money has been disbanded.
I guess what we can take from this is that although science learnt allot from Harry's noble sacrifice, its nothing compared to the wondrous cosmos of what Harry K Hole must have reached. Somewhere out there is a man walking round whom has most likely been higher than you.
Stay safe, Integrity out.