2020 is going to be the worst year ever (good podcast right there) and you're all out getting shitfaced like it's just another Monday at the King St Hotel. Might as well drop a few of those deadly Tesla pingers that cook you from the inside because fuck it, the future looks undeniably shithouse.
Watching aggressive crowds of bogans that usually don't drink that much, gern out and dance like they won the fucking lottery over an arbitrary date while the country burns and our leaders continue to do nothing about hot shit getting hotter isn't exactly my jam.
I'm going to sit here, nude, think about the deep shit. Probably drink an entire litre of Vodka and watch every Leave it to Beaver episode I can find before I weep for the future of humanity. Why? Because someone has to and you cunts sure as hell won't. I'm pretty much Jesus like that.
I also have no mates but that's irrelevant. I'd absolutely, 100%, do it anyway but if you know of anything good going on, hit me up at email@example.com
Drink up you eternally dumb cunts. It's all downhill from here.
Alan J. Boltlaw
Crowd hater, manic depressive